37 Episodes Lead by Boredom
by TheShadowRose
Summary: Rated T for swearing. Don't like? Don't read. We all know the events in Death Note were led by Light and Ryuk's boredom. Moral: Boredom is a powerful thing.
1. Just Another Regular Day

**This fanfiction is complete crack and full of my opinions. In fact, it's basically me retelling Death Note and pointing out it's flaws. Actually I'm mostly pointing out Light's flaws. Hey, you can either join me or leave because this is what the fic is gonna be.**

**Short summary of how this will go: I explain a bit of what's happening throughout the episode with my utmost opinion. The further along the chapter, the more opinionated it gets.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't have the power or the money to own Death Note, even if I wanted to.**

**Warnings: There are spoilers to the entire anime in this one chapter so far. You have been warned. Also, there's a lot of swearing because I'm an immature little shit. This is also mostly my opinion, so if you don't agree or don't like, there's a backspace button on your screen for a reason.**

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Light Yagami is a genius.

That's right, he's a genius. You could ask anyone and they will tell you the same thing. Light Yagami is a genius. He can solve the hardest puzzles, outsmart you in any area, and he can even win a few games of tennis. Everyone loves Light for this, and students are constantly seeking his help in all subjects.

Only, here's the thing: Light Yagami _doesn't care_.

He doesn't want to waste his time tutoring kids for the rest of his life. He doesn't doesn't want to be known as the straight A student that everyone admires. And he most certainly does not want the fangirl service to be worshiping him over getting high achievements in school (that bastard doesn't understand how lucky he is for that).

Here's another thing to keep note of: Light Yagami is an asshole.

Anywho, as I was saying, Light is a genius who is favored amongst the people he meets. Unfortunately, he's so bored with the lower education at school that he becomes the biggest prick you'll know. Seriously, you could be asking him a question about what he'll be doing after school when he'll suddenly stand up and leave. How rude.

Because of this uttermost boredom, he tries to find ways to make his pointless life somewhat greater. Like that time when he saw a black notebook fall out of the sky and decided it was a great idea to go over and pick it up - yeah, he's a pretty stupid genius.

But he's a genius still.

Now, as you may already know, Light picks up the notebook and reads the contents. It's so helpful that the notebook even has a guide, eh?

"The human who's name is written in this note shall die."

...

Hey, listen, do you ever get those moments when someone's talking and all you're thinking is that every word they're saying is complete bullshit?

Yeah, that's basically what Light DOESN'T think. Why else would he keep it, after saying himself that it's probably not true? I mean, _obviously_ a notebook that can kill someone by simply writing their name down isn't absurd whatsoever, totally logical.

Okay, okay, maybe he isn't as stupid as I'm making him out to be. He has doubts about the purpose of the notebook, and, again, because of boredom, he decides to test it out. And then he goes on a massive murdering spree with new found allies that he betrays and in the end he ends up losing. Moral of the story: Boredom is a powerful thing.

Oh, you better have known that there were gonna be spoilers in this. I put it at the top of the page, and if I ruined it all for you, well, read carefully next time.

*Sigh*

I better slow down and backtrack a bit, it's only the first chapter, after all.

ALRIGHT. So Light has the notebook, and for once, his brain is actually doing work to try and figure out what the hell the instructions in it means. He's also denying the fact that he completely believes everything it says, only because it will make him look like an idiot if he doesn't.  
Then, he finally takes out his shiny mechanical pencil and writes down a name from the news.

Wait.

Wait.

WAIT a minute.

Light writes down the name of a man who is a criminal and saves a bunch of hostages but he doesn't have a single second to answer questions? This is like damn Superman and his ability to "save the world" when in reality he means "save America".*

*Ahem*

So yeah, the criminal dies and the hostages are unharmed and Light's beginning to feel a _little_ power hungry. He wants to kill another criminal to make sure the death wasn't a coincidence, blah blah blah- and then, OF course, Light begins to question society.

Not that I can really complain. I question it all the time as well.

But I also question Light's judgement.

AND Light saves ANOTHER woman from the clutches of nasty men, and damn there are a lot of names written down in that notebook already.  
Has anyone noticed that after his second kill is the moment when Light's eyes first begin to look differently than when he was a regular straight A bastard- I mean student?

Oh, and don't even get me STARTED with all the scenes I've skipped that hold our favorite shinigami. His story is basically leading the same words with a different path than Light - he's bored and decides that it will bring him entertainment to drop his notebook [DEATH NOTE] into the human world.

Then, when Light first sees Ryuk... PFFFTTT. Great fall, Light. Yeah, yeah, try and play it off. We all saw it, and we will all remember it. And then you go on saying that you've been waiting for him. Is that why you screamed like a little bitch?

... Yeah I better tone it down now.

Anyway, Ryuk does his whole 'intimidating shinigami' act while explaining to Light what's happening, but we can practically feel his excitement and hunger for the apples Light's mom brings up. He craves them apples as much as Naruto craves ramen.*

Like DAMN he be stuffing them into his mouth per second. One starts to wonder if he'll ever get sick of them, just like Holo did a few times.* I mean, you get tired of a certain food after constantly having it, don't you? I know I do. My mom made banana muffins for weeks straight once because it's the only way my brother could eat muffins without an allergic reaction and I swear I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy them like I used to.

Back to the subject, Ryuk seems to do a pretty good job making Light seem unimportant when he tells him that he wasn't chosen and that it was all an accident. Yes, put him in his place.

"I did it because I was bored." -Ryuk  
"Because... I've been bored too." -Light Yagami  
MY FUCKING POINT HAS BEEN PROVEN.

*cough*

But I will say one thing... His dramatic writing style is just like WOAH. Admit it, we've all tried to write like that at least once.

As my last note on Episode One of Death Note: Light's acting with two faces and claiming that he will be the "god of the new world".  
Light. Go home. You're drunk on power.

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***While shamelessly writing down my opinions on episode one, I remembered a meme on Superman that Superman only saves America when he says that he'll save the world.**

***Naruto from the anime... Naruto. His favorite food is ramen. He loves ramen. If you invite him out to a bowl of ramen your wallet will cry because Naruto could eat 11 bowls of that stuff and still be hungry.**

***Holo, as in Holo the Wise Wolf from Spice and Wolf. One time while on her travels, Holo decided it would be a good idea to buy her most favorite fruit - apples. However, she had to eat them all. She was determined to do it, but got a stomach ache afterwards.**


	2. He Screwed Up

**Disclaimer: No I don't frickin own shit.**

**Warnings: Swearing because I'm immature, spoilers, somewhat one-sided opinions, and all the likes. Hit that backspace button if you don't like it. But, I mean, it's the second chapter. I warned you on the first chapter enough as it is.**

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Can I start off by saying that Ryuk has some pretty good handwriting? One cannot simply write "Death Note" in English on a shinigami's notebook and expect it to look as original as Ryuk's.

*Ahem*

We all now ("now") know that Light Yagami is a genius. But because he is a genius, he gets ahead of himself and instantaneously calls himself a god after killing two pages full of criminals. He's even writing down _more_ names as his professor is talking. Not such a great example for those straight B students.

I give him credit, though. He knew what he needed to read aloud, meaning he's either a really good multitasker or he simply got lucky and chose the correct page on the first try.

Don't you think Ryuk's getting a little bored? Light may be writing names down in the death note, but the poor god of death is just watching this all happen. He can't even eat apples while in public for fuck's sake.

Class is over and Light is once again rude as hell to someone who is about to ask if he's busy after school (no surprise there), and Ryuk's trying to strike up a conversation to pass the time but gets denied (again, not shocking). Honestly Light, I'm wondering if no one actually _cares_ that you ignore them, or if it's simply the fact that you give them 1% of your attention to tell them "no" that pleases them. I can't tell anymore.

When he gets home, Light watches the news and continues his "righteous acts as god" in silence. But hey, at least Ryuk can eat his apples, despite only getting around 5% of Light's attention - which is actually a lot coming from him.

Oh, and look, Light has a sister. That poor thing, she actually has to be related to him? But then - woah, he's actually going to help his sister with her homework? It's his sister, I know, but.. c'mon, you can't even answer a damn question but you can do THIS?

*Sigh*

Well anyway, Ryuk finally mentions that if anyone else touches the notebook, they'll be able to see him as well. Light has a slight internal panic at this news, but only because he didn't think of that possibility. Seriously, how could you not think of that? Why do you think no one else can see Ryuk, and only you? Don't flatter yourself, you're not as special as you think you are.

Then there's the fact that people have taken notice of these sudden heart attacks going around the prisons for criminals all around the world. OF COURSE they'll take notice. It's their job to take notice, and everyone having heart attacks simultaneously is not a regular thing to happen.

SHOUT OUT TO THAT ONE MAN IN THE POLICE MEETING THING.  
"Why should it matter if it's a criminal or someone in this sitting? Last time I checked, murder is still murder!"  
"Then how did all these people have heart attacks at the exact same time? That's not a coincidence, it's murder!"

PREACH.

Heh. Apologies. Moving on.

After pointless arguing and points that there is no lead, since all the criminals merely died of heart attacks and not guns to the head, one man states that they'll have no choice but to bring in L. That's when all the whispers begin, as everyone is deciding whether they should close down their pride on finding the murderer out on their own and get help from L, or stay stubborn and never find shit out.

Guess what they chose?

Actually, don't guess. If you don't already know then you shouldn't be here.

... YES THEY GRUDGINGLY ACCEPT L. Well, if you can call it "accepting". Turns out L is already looking into the murders and is even kind enough to address them through a type of Skype that scrambles his voice and replaces his face with an L.

I'm going to cut into this real quick - did you notice the font of the L? That famous L font that gains a Death Note fan's attention no matter where it is, whether it be on a slip of paper or printed on the back of someone's shirt? I know I do. This kid that sits in front of me in math class has a sweatshirt with the L font that stares at me all period and I'm constantly trying not to doodle the L all over my classwork.

There's a quick scene where it shows Light doing some weird shit with fire and Ryuk questioning his actions. Light. Oh my- Don't you know it's not SAFE to play with fire? And you think you're trying to keep your family safe like that. What if that notebook burns at your house and you end up killing your family like that, hmm? What if Sayu does this and you char her cute little hands and it'll be all your fault.

...Ahahha. I'm getting a bit too deep into the "what if's".

But then when he says this: "It all comes down to a choice. Would I prefer to be executed, or deal with a little house fire?"

Light is a stupid, stupid genius.

BACK to the streets of Japan, everyone is talking about Light's "acts of god". Some are saying it's a pretty cool concept that bad people are getting punished for their crimes, while others are worried that they'll be the next targets to this sociopath and warn each other to not do anything bad. Awe, they've even given a name to this manipulative bastard.

Kira, meaning killer. So fitting and undoubtedly ironic, seeing that Light's goal is to kill who have killed and committed crime.

Isn't it funny, how Light continues to talk as if he's going to get away home free? He doesn't even suspect that anyone will be able to get in his way, because the death note will give him the power to kill them in an instant. Well, he's bullshitting himself if he truly thinks that. You're not the only one on the planet who can solve puzzles, outsmart others around you in the most plain way, and win a few rounds of tennis.

Yes, in fact, Light gets completely owned when he idiotically plays right into L's hand by killing Lind L. Tailor. He doesn't even think as he writes the name down, he even gloats that he'll never get caught because they'll never find him.

And then, as they're taking Lind L. Tailor's body away... SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER. That wasn't L, and now you can't even kill him because you don't know his real name NOR do you know what he looks like. Your plan isn't so foolproof anymore, eh?

Seriously though. Light, that was a complete betise, and you may have been able to win in the end if you didn't allow selfish pride and haughtiness overpower you. Hell, even Ryuk is starting to find amusement with this. It's almost like that moment when you're trying to hide something from your family and friends but then you accidentally let something slip and you have that "oh shit" moment.

L: 1, Kira: 0.

Must admit that you two had good synchrony when saying you were justice. 10/10 would listen to again.

As my last note on Episode Two of Death Note: YOU DUN GOOFED, LIGHT.


	3. Stupidly Genius Plan or nah?

**Disclaimer: I don't even own $20. Do you honestly think I own Death Note?**

**Warnings: As always, swearing of different levels because I'm immature, definite spoilers scattered about, and opinions that you may or may not agree with. Hit that backspace button if you don't like this lame excuse of literature, even though this is like, the third chapter and you should have already gone back if you didn't like the first one.**

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I have no excuse for how late this chapter is, other than the fact that I didn't want to move my lazy ass. And bad wifi. Seriously. You know the struggle if you're trying to watch anime and have to keep pausing the video to make it stop buffering every five seconds. It grinds my gears and makes my inner fangirl want to sit down in a corner and cry.

Anyway, as we have established in chapter one, and will continuously repeat because why the hell not: Light Yagami is a genius. A stupid genius at that. A genius that is a complete jerk to everyone he meets. One that got his sweet, sweet karma back when he fell into an interesting challenge. He will now have to make his brain work to protect himself against a new opponent, while at the same time provide Ryuk with complimentary apples and endless entertainment.  
Episode Three begins with a police man reading out their complete failures in finding a lead to Kira's whereabouts from that week. According to him, people have been calling in from everywhere claiming to be Kira.

...First of all, why would anyone want to _be_ Kira? It's as if you're raising your hand and screaming "I volunteer as tribute"*, only it won't save someone's innocent soul, it will save Light's soul, and we ALL know Light is nowhere near innocent.

Second of all, it's just plain idiotic. Who CALLS the POLICE STATION claiming they're **KIRA**? Not even Light's stupid enough to do that, and last episode demonstrated how much stupidity he truly holds.

..Moving on, the popo are also going over the fact that every single one of the newer heart attacks have happened to criminals which were broadcasted public to Japan, confirming L's words further. But wait, there's more. Turns out L asked for them to record the times of death of the victims, and he already suspects the murderer is a student.

Light you are so screwed.

The scene switches back to where our genius is helping Sayu out with her homework, when the doorbell rings. Plot twist approaching... wait for it.. wait for ittt... BAM. Light Yagami's father is the POLICE CHIEF. Un-fucking-believable. It just keeps getting better and better.

They have a nice dinner where Sayu states the obvious, "My big brother's a genius."

YES.

I THINK WE GET IT BY NOW.

THANK YOU FOR THE OBSERVATION.

This explains why Light thinks he's completely foolproof. Because no one would suspect a cop's son to be a mass murderer, who by the way, mysteriously KILLS humans without touching them. You know, that sounds like a certain individual I know of who holds the eye power of Geass.* His goals is basically the same (well.. similar). AND C'MON, THEY ACT THE SAME TOO. Same two faced attitudes, same ignorance, same asshole personalities when it comes to socialization with 'lesser' human beings. Those two were definitely cut from the same cloth.

Even Ryuk is catching on for fuck's sake. And he's only in it for the apples.

Light begins acting like any normal teenager and locks himself in his room right after finishing dinner. Only, he's not actually doing TEENAGER stuff in there, like deleting his browsing history and whatnot. He's hacking into his father's fucking files. There are like a million too.  
And suddenly you begin to question how many times Light has done this - I mean c'mon. He got the password on the first try. I lock myself out of my own phone by getting the password wrong too many times, bloody hell.

But, well. He's a genius, ne?

Light contemplates how to address the situation about L suspecting a student already. What do you know it, he comes up with a plan to write the times of death instead of simply letting them drop like flies at the same times as always. So now, as he's making his merry way to school, prisoners are getting killed by none other than Kira.

As he's kicking goals and playing sports with that competitive attitude, inmates are falling one by one.

As he's eating a nice lunch without a care in the world, more just keep dying.

The task force is speechless. But by speechless I mean that they're yelling so loud that I had to turn my volume down. Luckily, they actually have someone who is smart and has the ability to assess the situation. L points out that Kira is most probably mocking them by showing that he can kill at anytime he pleases and that they should look the fuck out because he also has access to police information.

Light thinks it'll be all chill for him because he left 50 or so criminals left for "when this happens," but y'know, quantity didn't exactly work well for Loki. He got his ass kicked so hard he 'died' and was sent all over the place.*

Ryuk begins to ask Light about his idiotic and pointless move to basically inform L that he has access to police information, meaning that he could get found out by the popo earlier than expected. But apparently Light's whole motive is to get close to L... So basically it's a showdown, and whoever pulls their guns out first after walking will win.*

Light is currently counting on the fact that the task force and L don't trust each other.

And he basically predicts what is about to happen in the next episode or so... L investigates police force, police force resents L, police force asks to see L, L does so.

There goes this fanfiction. No need for my shitty comments any more, Light just ruined it. Bye bye. Hasta la vista. You can go home now and stop wasting your time here.

...go on.

No?

Yes?

Whatever. If you leave I'll just talk to myself. ;-;

Anyways.

L and the police force are going to (by Light's prediction) be checking each other out instead of looking for him, meaning that he doesn't have to get his hands dirty looking for L because the police force will do it _for _him.

Do you see now? Why I call Light a stupid, stupid genius?

For fuck's sake, I'm driving this out.

OKAY. So the police chief (A.K.A. Kira's unknowing father) begins receiving resignation notes, and they slam him down with what everyone else in that room is too cowardly to say. Burned to a motherfucking crisp. The chief is left speechless and unable to call his men back even if he wanted to.

Meanwhile, Light... is at school. At night. Serves him right, he gets to suffer more hours in hell. Ryuk seems bored out of his mind. But he seems to notice something: someone is sneaking around outside. Honestly, that shadow is standing out, what kind of spy are you?

Light is now a suspect. Light also now KNOWS he is a suspect - Ryuk's actually being nice? Wait no, never mind. That could never happen, as great as he is. The stare of that spy is simply getting on his nerves. So someone's constant gaze creeps him out. Really. How human of him.

When back home, Ryuk tells that bastard about the Shinigami eyes, and the amazing powers of it. He even gloats how his eyes are better than the human Shinigami eyes because it won't shorten his lifespan. You almost wish that Light will take the deal. I mean, what if he only had a week left to live, and then it would be three and a half days?

But then there wouldn't be an interesting plot, I suppose.

Light seems amazed, his voice is basically quivering in excitement.

Will he take the deal and run?*

Well if you've seen this anime before (C'MON THIS IS THE THIRD FRICKIN CHAPTER) then your ass should already know.

As my last note on Episode Three of Death Note: you're a fucking retard Light. -.-

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***The Hunger Games. Must I say more?**

***Code Geass, an anime that Death Note fans should try out. The main characters basically think alike and act the same, but it holds a more futuristic theme to it. The main character's eye power allows him to control anybody to his own will once. Two seasons, I am currently on season two.**

***From Thor: The Dark World. I'm not even going to explain.**

***I'm not sure what it's called and I'm too lazy to Google it. When two people start at one point and walk away from each other for a certain distance, then turn and swipe their guns out. Whoever moves the slowest ends up getting shot, end of story.**

***Take the Money and Run used to be a TV show where cops gave two ordinary people a case of money and they would have tp hide it under a certain amount of time. They would then be taken into a prison where the cops interrogate them to try and get the money's location under some days. If the police find it out, they win and take the money. If not, they lose and don't get shit.**


End file.
